Health Impact and Side Effects of Bullying ... Blaming others can ruin your health

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

• Authors calling for new diagnosis called PTED, or post-traumatic embitterment disorder
• Expert suggests griping for a while to vent, get it out of your system
• Then keep reminding yourself of the all the physical harm you're doing to yourself

Kevin Benton had every reason to feel bitter.

During his sophomore year in college, he says, white students harassed him and the only other African-American living on the floor in his dorm in order to get them to move out.

The white students spat on their doors, tore their posters off the wall, and banged on their door at four in the morning. When Benton brought up the problems at a dorm meeting, the other students snickered.

"I felt like I was being bullied, being targeted," he says now of his college experience 19 years ago. "I knew I couldn't retaliate in any way or I'd lose my basketball scholarship."

This was the first time in his life Benton had encountered racism and it hit him hard. He had trouble sleeping, and then over the next several months he suffered panic attacks. Admitted to the hospital, he was found to have hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, or thickening of the muscles in the heart. The disease is the leading cause of heart-related sudden death in people under 30.

So sick he couldn't walk, Benton lay in his hospital bed bitter and resentful. "I thought to myself, 'I've never hurt anybody. I serve in the community. I work with youth. I wrestled with God -- why did this happen to me?'" he remembers. Just then, a janitor walked by and grabbed Benton's hand, and prayed aloud to God to heal him. "As soon as she said, 'Amen,' I felt like someone had poured cold water on my head and made my heart shrink," he says.

The first time Kevin Benton encountered racism, he was in college and took it really hard.

Benton forgave the students who had tormented them, and three days later, he walked out of the hospital. "If I hadn't forgiven them, I'd be dead," says Benton, now healthy and a social worker for the Philadelphia Department of Human Services.

Feeling persistently resentful toward other people -- the boss who fired you, the spouse who cheated on you -- can indeed affect your physical health, according to a new book, "Embitterment: Societal, psychological, and clinical perspectives."

In fact, the negative power of feeling bitter is so strong that the authors call for the creation of a new diagnosis called PTED, or post-traumatic embitterment disorder, to describe people who can't forgive others' transgressions against them.

"Bitterness is a nasty solvent that erodes every good thing," says Dr. Charles Raison, associate professor of psychiatry at Emory University School of Medicine and CNNHealth's Mental Health expert doctor.

What bitterness does to your body

Feeling bitter interferes with the body's hormonal and immune systems, according to Carsten Wrosch, an associate professor of psychology at Concordia University in Montreal and an author of a chapter in the new book. Studies have shown that bitter, angry people have higher blood pressure and heart rate and are more likely to die of heart disease and other illnesses.

The data that negative mental states cause heart problems is just stupendous. The data is just as established as smoking, and the size of the effect is the same." --Dr. Charles Raison

Physiologically, when we feel negatively towards someone, our bodies instinctively prepare to fight that person, which leads to changes such as an increase in blood pressure. "We run hot as our inflammatory system responds to dangers and threats," says Raison, clinical director of the Mind-Body Program at Emory.

Feeling this way in the short term might not be dangerous -- it might even be helpful to fight off an enemy -- but the problem with bitterness is that it goes on and on. When our bodies are constantly primed to fight someone, the increase in blood pressure and in chemicals such as C-reactive protein eventually take atoll on the heart and other parts of the body.

"The data that negative mental states cause heart problems is just stupendous," Raison says. "The data is just as established as smoking, and the size of the effect is the same."

How to get rid of bitterness

It's impossible to avoid all events that could turn you bitter. At some point, all of us will be the victim of a crazy boss, a cheating spouse, a spiteful co-worker, or someone else who does us wrong. Some will be even more unlucky, and suffer physical or sexual abuse.

"There are situations where you'd have to be the Dalai Lama not to feel bitterness," says Raison, who writes regularly for CNN.com on the mind-body connection for health.

The key is how we react to these situations in the long term. Here are five tips for how to let go of bitterness as quickly as possible for the sake of your own health;

1. Gripe for a while

"Give yourself time to vent and get it out of your system," suggests Dr. Maryann Troiani, co-author of the book Spontaneous Optimism.

2. Watch the news

Frederic Luskin, director of the Stanford Forgiveness Project, tells his embittered patients to think about how many others have had bad things happen to them.

"I ask people to watch the news for a day, or read the paper, or go to work and talk to people, and they'll see that others have suffered and this is just a part of life," says Luskin, author of the book "Forgive for Good."

3. Consider confronting the person who's hurt you

Troiani says some of her patients have found solace in doing this. Other times, however, it can backfire. "Some ex-spouses are real psychopaths, and hunting them down can be disastrous," she says. "They'll just connive and twist things around and blame you." If that's your situation, try writing a letter to the person and reading it to a trusted friend, she suggests.

4. Realize you're only harming yourself

Keep reminding yourself of the all the physical harm you're doing yourself by remaining bitter. "I tell my patients, take care of this bitterness now, or in five years it will haunt you in the form of chronic headaches, fatigue, arthritis, and backaches," Troiani says.

5. Consider the other person's mental state

Author Maya Angelou has every reason to feel bitter. Raped as a child, then overwhelmed with guilt when her rapist, an uncle, was murdered by another family member, she was mute for several years. Still, she says she never felt bitterness toward her attacker. "Although he was a child molester and abused me, I never hated him, and I'm glad of that," she says. "What I realized is that people do what they know to do -- not what you think they should know." As an adult, she's continued that mind-set. "If someone hurts my feelings or hurts me in any way, I think, 'This dummy, that's all he knew,' and I'm not going to carry this bitterness around with me. I will not give it a perch. I will not give it a place to live in me because I know that's dangerous."

Don't be a doormat

Taking these steps and losing your bitterness does not mean you should be a doormat, Raison says. For example, consider the classic case of the wife whose husband leaves her for a much younger woman. Instead of feeling angry, she can think about moving on with her life and finding someone new. "What happens is that the husband who's been doing the 20-year-old comes crawling back because now his wife looks really good, and the wife can say, 'You're a day late and a dollar short,'" he says.

Managing pressure at work: Dealing with workplace bullies

I have been working in the stress management field for over 20 years and it never ceases to amaze me that some of the issues I was dealing with then are still prevalent today.

In my role as an Expert Witness to the UK courts I am often required to give a professional opinion to the court as to whether an organisation had anti-bullying procedures in place, prior to an employee deciding to institute a compensation claim against them.

Too many times, employees would have made an official complaint to the HR department yet no action was ever taken. Was it that HR were just uncaring and unsupportive?

Not necessarily so. Too often it was because HR really didn't really know what action to take. A lack of agreed policies and procedures left them uncertain whether they should support the employee's claim about being bullied or just minimise the alleged behaviour by telling the complainant that there was little they could do.

A recent survey

I read last week that the UK January Employment Index based on a survey of 2,600 people showed that 25 per cent of the respondents have experienced workplace bullying with incidents ranging from colleagues taking credit for work that they didn't do to public humiliation at the hands of a colleague, and it made me wonder what more could be done to tackle this conduct that is so often responsible for employees taking extended periods of sick leave and, often ultimately deciding to leave the company.

It is easy for anyone to identify the most obvious cases of intimidation, the times when you see a manager screaming at an employee or humiliating them in front of their team. This is overt bullying behaviour but what about the bullying behaviour that goes on behind closed doors.

The psychological bullying that can now take place on social networking sites is a more dangerous style of bullying as it is a much more difficult phenomenon to detect.

Individuals can often be humiliated even by an anonymous posting on a website and social networking sites can facilitate remote intimidation that can cause serious psychological damage to the victim.

I have counselled many clients who would describe such intimidation as a ‘reign of terror'. They became reluctant to go to work but had little option unless they decided to leave or report sick.

Fighting the scourge

First and foremost, they need to check if the organisation has a formal anti-bullying policy and procedure code and if it does then they should use the procedures laid down to make a complaint. Where procedures are not laid down then they need to speak to someone in authority in the company.

Raising the issue with HR is the recommended way forward.

However, as we saw above, the HR department may not always know what action to take. But this is a risk that may have to be taken as there is strong evidence to show that bullying behaviour creates stress and ultimately health problems.

Company policies

Make sure that your organisation has robust policies and procedures in place to combat workplace bullying and that your HR professionals and line managers are fully trained to recognise and deal effectively with such issues.

An anti- bullying policy should state that the organisation will not tolerate unacceptable behaviour.

If people are in fear of going to work and watching the clock to get back to the safety of their home, then those people will be poor performers, poor sales people, poor producers and a bad advertisement for your firm.

That competitive disadvantage will be reflected in your company's image and your brand.

The author is a BBC guest-broadcaster and Motivational Speaker. She is CEO of an international stress management and employee wellbeing consultancy based in London. Contact them for proven stress strategies - www.carolespiersgroup.co.uk

Key points

• Beware of bullying in the workplace and on social networks.
• Intimidatory behaviour can cause psychological damage.
• Unacceptable conduct results in competitive disadvantage.

Comments (1)

Added 10:43 February 15, 2011 Companies must have policies and procedures to deal with workplace bullying behaviour. It wont just go away. Our organisation is very clear about acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. We have a workplace bullying policy in place and management have been trained to diffuse the issue themselves, if the need arises. It was only a one day training programme but they had this training at the same time as the policy was implemented and so understood its implications. We can now hold our head high as a company and say that we will not tolerate workplace bullying behaviour and I am proud to work here. Jacky Cullen, London, United Kingdom source

ADVICE FOR 2011 - Don’t Take Shit From Hyenas in the Workplace

How to become wise to office bullying

Watch your back or you may be the victim of a Workplace Hyena looking for a kill! This is the warning given by Dr Susan Steinman in her book, Don’t take shit from hyenas in the workplace. Steinman should know: she has spent 16 years studying Workplace Hyenas – bullies who use underhand and malevolent tactics to destroy rivals to gain money and power.

In the famous The Lion King film, various animals are archetypes for certain human characteristics.

The hyena is depicted as treacherous, cunning and two-faced. Similarly, Steinman uses the hyena as an archetype for the bully.

When one meets Steinman in person, she is cheerful, optimistic and down to earth, and one wonders why she involves herself in the murky world of dirty office politics.

“At first, it was a process of discovery through my research, but when I saw the dreadful impact of bullying, I had to become involved,” she explains.

Steinman has two doctorates, is founder of the Workplace Dignity Institute, and is currently director of the Centre for Social Entrepreneurship at the University of Johannesburg.

She is considered a leading expert on the subject of violence and bullying in the workplace, and assists victims all over the world. She was awarded an Ashoka fellowship in 2002 for her pioneering work in research, raising awareness and the development of programmes to tackle these issues.

We caught up with Steinman shortly before she jetted off to Cape Town, Amsterdam and then Saudi Arabia to address audiences about how to become Hyena-wise.

Her clever use of the hyena metaphor, which she finds is universally recognised, is her way of injecting lightness into a rather dark subject.

Humour, she believes, can be therapeutic and diminishes the power of the bully in the eyes of the victim.

So how does one identify a Workplace Hyena?

“They operate in overt and covert ways,” says Steinman. “Some scream, shout, throw tantrums and deliberately humiliate employees. Sometimes they resort to passive aggression, ignoring and isolating a victim, or use sarcasm and innuendo at the victim’s expense.”

Steinman describes e-mail as a terrible tool in the hands of a Workplace Hyena, who will copy an entire audience to belittle an employee. Other more covert methods are labelling, gossiping, half truths and conspiracies.

She says bullying must not be confused with normal conflict or strict discipline. Bullying is about 80% top down, is persistent and prolonged over a period of time. There is an imbalance in power. Its intention is to harm and degrade an individual.

Sometimes a subordinate will work to undermine a superior. “An example is of a personal assistant who knew exactly what her manager’s movements were, but would say that she had no idea where he was – implying he was incompetent. But Hyenas always operate in a clan, and she was under its protection,” says Steinman.

At the top of the clan are the Royal Hyenas – the Makhula Hyena and the Squeeza. They are supported by Power Hyenas (the Laughing, Quiet, Halo and Mampara Hyenas). Also in the clan are Competitive and Impimpi Hyenas (Den Creeper and Shit-Stirrer Hyenas).

Many organisations encourage a “kill or be killed” mentality. “These are Hyena Positive Enterprises, and a prime example of this was Enron where the Hyenas became untouchable,” says Steinman.

The Clan is headed by the Makula Hyena (Zulu for “great one”), usually employed in a key position. Steinman says former British prime minister Gordon Brown has allegedly been identified by his own staff as a bully; as well as Henry Kissinger.

Driven by power, the Makhula Hyena prefers to manipulate people. Being a clever strategist, the Makhula will use other Hyenas to ‘finish off’ a victim.

Every Workplace Hyena tries to get closer to the Squeeza, the protégé of the Makula. “It is almost pathetic to see a person squirm at the feet of the favourite, who may be of a lower rank than those trying to get into its good books.

“They often resemble the Makhula in many ways and keep ‘the boss’ informed at all times.

“The Squeeza can destroy careers because of its alliance with the Makula,” says Steinman.

Next in rank are Power Hyenas, who can be extrovert, dynamic and expressive. They can appear charming, intelligent and sometimes sympathetic. These traits can be very appealing to an uninformed non-Hyena. But Power Hyenas only support clan members. They are two-faced and do not like competent, dynamic non-Hyenas, and they never share their limelight.

The Quiet Hyenas are very dangerous, says Steinman. “They enjoy gaining power by intimidation and gathering intelligence for the Clan. This hyena is normally introverted, but an air of danger lurks around them.”

Even more treacherous, although lower ranking, are the Competitive Hyenas. They are ambitious, unethical and have a relentless drive to win at all costs, with an eye on displacing their superiors – even within the Clan.

When a Hyena decides to hunt, it does a risk assessment. It will only hunt someone who is vulnerable at work or in their personal life.

Steinman describes this tactic in the following case (names have been changed):

Rita, a bright and competent employee, was on her way up the corporate ladder. She worked for James, who realised her potential and was developing her into a managerial position.

Anna, another staff member, became extremely jealous of this relationship, as it threatened her career aspirations.

Rita’s general popularity was another thorn in Anna’s side. She started spreading rumours that James and Rita were having an affair, despite Rita being completely devoted to her fiancé. When Rita fell pregnant, Anna exploited the situation by insinuating that James was the father.

Rita was vulnerable, unwed and pregnant – easy prey for Anna, who used Rita’s circumstances to launch a “Hyena Attack”.

Rita went through one of the worst periods in her life. Though she survived, she has never forgotten the trauma of being attacked by a Workplace Hyena.

And then there is the Mampara Hyena. The African word mampara, meaning an “incompetent or foolish person”, ideally describes these Hyenas who resort to excessive bullying tactics and blatant lies to assert their dominance. More often than not, they get away with incompetence because the Clan protects them.

One of the more bizarre tactics Steinman has witnessed was the threat of witchcraft by a Workplace Hyena in the public sector, which resulted in high levels of absenteeism.

Impimpi is an African word for an “informer”.

The Impimpi Hyenas are exactly that – the low-ranking informers and intelligence gatherers such as the Shit-Stirrer Hyena. They thrive on gossip. These deceitful hyenas appear to side with everyone and anyone. But they feel safe in the Hyena Clan, and that is exactly where their loyalties lie.

Steinman does, however, warn against stigmatising the bully, as she believes everyone has the potential to bully. “Power and money are great tests of character. Look at some of our politicians who were once humble and idealistic, but became swollen headed and self-serving when elevated by politics. Anyone can fall under the spell of money and power and become Hyenas.”

She says certain events trigger increased Hyena behaviour. She calls them “work quakes”, for example retrenchments, mergers, changes in management and restructuring.

“Some organisations engage in serial restructuring or, to coin a word, ‘destructuring’.

“We even use violent words like ‘can’, ‘kill’ and ‘purge’. But it is an illusion that this is an effective solution.

“There seems to be a loss of creative thinking about how to improve business. Constant restructuring creates insecurity and can kill the soul of the business and its employees,” says Steinman.

“The recession has definitely triggered an upsurge in workplace bullying in both the public and private sectors.”

But surely, Hyena tactics are merely part and parcel of normal corporate politics?

Steinman does not accept this. “The trail of angst left by Workplace Hyenas has a detrimental effect on organisations. It makes employees unproductive, increases absenteeism and chases away real talent.

“It has been estimated that people who are being bullied lose 4.5 hours of productivity per week over a year (this includes the witnesses) in surveys done in the US and UK.

“It is highly counterproductive and can do reputational damage,” she adds.

Bullying is likely to seriously impact on the emotional and physical well-being of employees. Steinman says people who consult her compare being bullied to rape and physical abuse.

“There is a deep sense of hurt and betrayal. There is also a sense of shame at being bullied, that they are somehow to blame. This is exactly what the bully wants the victim to feel, so abuse continues to thrive.”

The impact can be so severe on victims that many suffer depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, migraines, ulcers, exhaustion, panic attacks
and illness. Some even have suicidal thoughts.

Research conducted by the European Union in 2000 found that many people still had symptoms of post-traumatic stress five years after being bullied.

People often label the victim a loser or deserving of their fate. But anyone can be a victim, even the most successful, popular and highly competent, if one is seen as a threat to a Hyena.

“No one deserves this, even if the person is perhaps irritating, neurotic or seen as a nerd,” says Steinman. “This is a human rights issue.

“Everyone has the right to be treated with dignity and respect in the workplace.”

She believes that bullying has to be confronted openly and transparently. “One needs to hold up a mirror to the bully. Sometimes that person may listen because no one likes being labelled a bully. There is a name for a bully – a Hyena. It is shameful. That is why awareness programmes can successfully reduce the frequency of bullying.”

Steinman believes policies are effective deterrents for Workplace Hyenas. But a policy is only as good as the paper it is written on.

Top management must commit to and support these policies and implement them vigorously to sustain a Hyena-free corporate culture.

“A golden rule is that the ego of the most senior employee is not worth the dignity of the person lowest in the hierarchy,” she says. “Management must keep relationships in an organisation healthy in order to encourage productivity and success. We need to create a more people-centred economy, where it is the norm to treat people with dignity and respect.”

Don’t take shit from hyenas in the workplace is available online from www.thepeoplebottomline.com.

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What Makes A Great Leader? ... Listen, have a heart, be inspirational, don't Bully, don't harass or be arrogant ...

The secret to being a great leader isn't to bully or harass your underlings - it's to be a sensitive listener.

Researchers say the best politicians, businessmen and managers stay in touch with their followers and support those they lead. Their findings also revealed most leaders have a natural shelf life and that over time they tend to become so isolated they fall out of favour.

Good leader, bad leader: Baroness Margaret Thatcher was a good leader while William Hague was bad because he lost credibility over his beer boasts

The study sheds light on the rise and fall of some of the most influential leaders of the last 100 years, including Winston Churchill and Margaret Thatcher.

Prof Alex Haslam and Dr Kim Peters, psychologists at Exeter University, have spent the last year distilling the wisdom of 85 self-help books and biographies.

They discovered most leaders have seven secrets to their success and that most of those are surprisingly 'touchy feely'.

The most common of these was to be sensitive to followers, a trait cited by 57 per cent of the books. More than half of those studied were 'positive and inspirational', while 48 per cent treated followers with respect, the researchers told the British Science Festival in Birmingham.

Other so-called secrets included meeting staff expectations and avoiding arrogance.

Dr Peters said the findings clashed with conventional ideas that the best leaders were driven individuals with domineering personalities.

'Actually, it's someone who is always looking to their followers and who is concerned about their relationship with them,' she said.

The researchers identified a 'leadership trajectory' which eventually sees leaders fall from grace. This happens when, instead of recognising that their success depends on keeping a good relationship with their followers, they begin to believe their own hype and the decline in popularity begins.

Good leaders must also hide the fact they are trying to be 'one of the people'.

Former Tory leader William Hague lost credibility when he boasted about drinking up to 14 pints a day as a teenager.

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Great Leaders Must Swap Bluster For Soft Approach ‎ Former South African president Nelson Mandela and wife Graca Machel with former British prime minister Tony Blair. Mr Blair and Mr Mandela were among 81 leaders analysed by researchers at the University of Exeter.

BECOMING A great leader is less about bluster and command and more about caring and sharing, according to a new analysis of the psychology behind “leadership and followership”.

It also shows that, no matter how popular, all leaders have a shelf life. The study of 81 “leaders” from Hillary Clinton to Attila the Hun, and from Tony Blair to Santa Claus, was one of the topics discussed on the opening day of the British Science Festival.

Prof Alex Haslam and Prof Kim Peters of the University of Exeter described their analysis of 85 books about the world’s greatest leaders, putting their findings into a soon to be released book, The New Psychology of Leadership.

The analysis provides insights into what makes a successful leader, and offers seven “leadership secrets” that can help achieve this.

Prof Haslam said leaders gain power and hold power not by being rough and tough, but by being recognised as one of the people. Leadership is a process of “social identity management” that counts on a leader’s ability to create in followers a sense of being “special” and a feeling of belonging to the group, he said.

“The real secret about leaders is it is not about me, it is about the group.” While ultimately it is all about power, getting there is about getting cosy with the followers. “Emotional connectivity is important for leaders because it shows they are part of the shared group,” said Prof Haslam.

Margaret Thatcher hardly seemed to depend on emotional connectivity, and yet she also depended on her support group, those who disagreed with the power of the trade unions and those who backed an approach suited to the middle class.

Tony Blair was also particularly good at making an emotional connection, said Prof Stephen Reicher of the University of St Andrews. Successful leaders ally themselves with those they represent, all the time remaining ordinary members of the group, he added. “They are extraordinary in feeling ordinary.”

They also, however, tend to follow a familiar trajectory, said Prof Reicher. Early success as a popular leader often begins to make them think they know better and have all the answers, in effect losing contact with the group. “Leadership has a shelf life. The risk is they begin to believe in themselves, and lose the sense of us.”

US president Barack Obama has faltered in the polls because of this, said Prof Peters. He assumed power with a close emotional bond with the voters. Yet he failed to see and respond quickly enough to strong public anger about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. This has broken his link with the public, she said.

Those with leadership ambitions also need to be convincing when attempting to connect with the people.

Former Tory leader William Hague failed miserably in this regard, Prof Reicher said. “He was the quintessential ‘other’, he was a geek politician.” The baseball cap fooled no one.

Choosing the greatest leaders was likely an impossible task, said Prof Michelle Ryan of Exeter. “It depends on who is deciding. There is no one greatest leader,” she said.

The participants were slow to suggest a top three, but Prof Haslam tentatively offered former South African president Nelson Mandela. He was extraordinary compared to other leaders in that he also knew when to bow out, “exiting gracefully”, Prof Haslam said, adding that it could be difficult to make people leave when their connection with the public was lost.

The science festival got under way in Birmingham yesterday and continues into the weekend.

Ruling class how to command

A STUDY of world leaders by Prof Alex Haslam and Prof Kim Peters of the University of Exeter has established seven “leadership secrets” for success:

1 Be sensitive to followers;
2 Be positive and inspirational;
3 Treat followers with respect;
4 Work hard for the group;
5 Meet or exceed followers’ expectations;
6 Support followers;
7 Don’t be overbearing or arrogant.

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Also see 'Bullies at the Top - What happens when the bully is the Prime Minister of your country? 'Rudd outburst an abuse of power'