BULLYING EFFECTS ON LIFE: Out of the wreckage, a school bullying victim's life rebuilt

"I wasn't trying to kill myself," Tom Tehan says matter of factly across the timber cafe table. "I was just trying to stop feeling. And Panadol is to stop pain, that's how it worked in my head."

The thing is, Tom downed several packets of Panadol in his attempt to numb his pain. He ended up needing his stomach pumped and spent three days in hospital when he should have been out enjoying the spring racing carnival with his girlfriend and friends.
Tom Tehan and his mother, Amanda Wallace. Photo: Jason South

Instead at 19 he was having a breakdown; the result he says of being bullied at school three years earlier.

It's rare to gain an insight into the long-term impact of school bullying. Now and then incidents pop up in the news. Sometimes they are even accompanied by a video shot on a student's mobile phone. Principals, parents and psychologists have their say. And then everyone moves on. Except not everyone can.

Tom couldn't. His years of school bullying culminated in receiving a letter containing a bullet and a death threat at his home. "Bang bang Tomas" the computer-printed note read, misspelling his name. "I just remember breaking down in tears," he says. "It was confirmation, after all the verbal and physical taunts and the times I was excluded, that I wasn't liked."

Though he was never identified by name, Tom's experience was one of those that made headlines in 2007: "Xavier student sent bullet in the mail". Now, more than a decade on, Tom wants to tell his story. It's a story about the car crash that can follow school bullying – and how one man emerged from the wreckage.

At 19, Tom had left Xavier for a new school, finished year 12 and started university. Summer was on the way and things appeared on track. But his bullying burden was always there in the background, unresolved. His stint in hospital brought things to the surface, but he soon suppressed them. He wanted to move on. After being discharged from hospital, Tom deferred his studies at Deakin University and started working in nightclubs.

He was smoking a bit of marijuana, which became a daily habit. He was going out. Lots. Spending more than he was earning. An unsolicited offer of a bank credit card was accepted and before he knew it, he had a $7,000 debt. His family intervened. His dad Peter's cousin offered him a job laying fibre optic cables in the Northern Territory. Arnhem Land. It was as remote and removed as 20-year-old Tom had ever been.

"It was the best thing that ever happened to me at the time," he says. "I had no phone. I was up at 5am every day and working until 6pm. I got to experience Aboriginal communities and hear stories about their Dreamtime from elders."

Tom while working in Arnhem Land. Photo: Supplied

He returned to Melbourne clean: mentally, physically and financially. He was loving life again.
But looking back, Tom concedes Arnhem Land was a Band-Aid. Just as Carey Grammar was – the school he went to after Xavier, where he was part of the successful school hockey and athletics teams.

"I was still in emotional pain, but because I was happy, I could mask it," the now 28-year-old says.

Running for Carey Grammar. Photo: Supplied

He resumed smoking marijuana and working in bars and nightclubs. His nocturnal existence saw him graduate to ice, which gave him supreme confidence. He started to deal in ice to supplement his own habit and mixed with people who used guns to get what they wanted.

Being bullied had made Tom feel he wasn't tough enough to stand up for himself. Ice made him feel that he could handle himself – and that felt good. "I lost all my inhibitions. I could talk without being inside my own head, if that makes sense," he says.

Tom was on ice for years and, according to his mother, Amanda Wallace, he became psychotic. He had "Moses" tattooed on his right arm, painted his car a matt black using spray cans and wrote what he believed were inspirational sayings on the rear window in permanent gold pen.

His memories of this time are hazy – isolated fragments come back. He remembers talking to a neighbour whom he believed was God and apologising to a street tree for the harm humans had inflicted on Earth. In the early hours of January 17, 2014, he was driving down Burke Road, Malvern, on his way to see a friend.  He believed the best way to get there was to put his foot flat on the accelerator and close his eyes. Police estimate he was travelling at 122/kmh when he crashed into two power poles and several trees.

Tom's car after the 2014 accident. Photo: Supplied

How he survived the crash, no one knows. Tom suspects closing his eyes saved him because he became "like a rag doll" as he was ejected from the car, landing bruised and broken on the asphalt. He nearly lost his right leg. Every bone in his right foot was smashed up, he had a ruptured spleen and broken ribs. He spent three months in various hospitals, which in hindsight was like rehab. It got him off ice, which he hasn't touched since.

In The Alfred's intensive care unit. Photo: Supplied

When he was discharged, he went to his mother's house. He says that after the crash he had no desire to use drugs. But while ice was behind him, a week later he sniffed butane gas and released a guttural scream. It freaked him out enough agree to a phone conversation with a family friend, who suggested he try an addiction program. That call started his slow turnaround from the self-destruction he believes was triggered by the 2004 bullying at Xavier.
 
Having lost his licence for two years, Tom was driven to his first session by his mother. She didn't trust that he would go in, so she waited and watched him in her rear-vision mirror. He did. He went every day for three months. He eventually ran the Wednesday night meetings.
"It gave me confidence in myself because someone had entrusted me to do something," Tom says. "I'd lost trust from a lot of people in my life and that was a way to re-grow it and start again."
Slowly, he rebuilt his life. The love and loyalty from his parents and four siblings never wavered. Neither did the support from his Old Xaverians hockey team, who late last year honoured him with the club's Smithy Medal recognising his against-the-odds return to the sport. It's what got him through; it reminded him how lucky he was.

He has had 10 operations in the three years since the accident and remains in pain due to nerve damage. He sees a psychologist regularly and works in hospitality. He has twice spoken to school students about addiction, hoping his warts-and-all story will strike a chord and make someone think twice before taking a similar path.

What he has learnt from all of this is that everyone makes choices. "As much as I could put it all back on bullying, I made choices to do the things that I did," Tom says. "Whatever was driving me, I was still at the wheel."

Talking to students about addiction. Photo: Supplied

This year he will return to uni to study sport coaching at Victoria University. He is moving on but has undertaken not forget the lessons his past has taught him. These are lessons he wants to share and hopefully, in the process, reduce the social stigma around drug addiction.

"One article isn't going to change how society sees it," he says. "But it just might make one person see that completely normal people get into cycles of addiction."

Source: http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/out-of-the-wreckage-a-school-bullying-victims-life-rebuilt-20161228-gtj58v.html

Sister Campaign's For Bullying Victim - 14yr old Kodi Pearson Bullied at School & on Facebook

Tayla Pearson’s fight to tackle bullying that led to brother’s suicide

SEVENTEEN-year-old Tayla Pearson is on a mission to tackle the devastating scourge of bullying.

The aspiring Brisbane-based model’s world fell apart last year when her beloved younger brother Kodi, 14, took his life after suffering from bullying, both online and at school.

VIDEO MESSAGE from Tayla

“We were like best friends, we were always together,” Tayla told The Courier-Mail.
“The experience has changed me, it has made me think about all the little things people do to others. If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all,” she said.
 Both Tayla, who completed Year 12 last year, and Kodi, who was in Year 9, attended St Thomas Moore College in Sunnybank.

Tayla Pearson holds a picture of her brother Kodi. Picture: Mark Cranitch.

Tayla said her brother always came across as a happy student who didn’t have a care in the world, but she was one of the few people who knew about the bullying he experienced.

Tayla Pearson with her brother Kodi, who committed suicide last year. Picture: Supplied
She said that some days he would fake being sick to try to avoid school, but even when he missed class, the torment would follow him home online. “Not only was he receiving grief in school, he wasn’t able to escape from it at home either,” she said.

The Courier-Mail has been unable to reach the school for comment.

Tayla is now working with a number of schools, including Ipswich Grammar, to help teach teenagers about the tragic consequences of bullying.

She hopes that by sharing her experience and speaking candidly about the loss of her brother, other high school students will think twice before bullying.

Tayla is also using a national model search – the Australian Supermodel of the Year competition, to be held this month in Bali – as a platform to raise awareness about youth mental health.
“Having that exposure behind you means you have the opportunity to get the message out there more,” she said.

Source: http://www.heraldsun.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/tayla-pearsons-fight-to-tackle-bullying-that-led-to-brothers-suicide/news-story/15a8613491b10ea3e90edda1cc6ba9a7

VIDEO STORY : Bullied workers shattered; Workplace bullying costs Australian businesses an estimated $36 billion a year

Source TodayTonight

Bullying in the workplace is something that's rarely discussed, but it should be, as those whose lives it affects can be shattered forever.

Workplace bullying costs Australian businesses an estimated $36 billion a year.
In Victoria, the recently passed Brodie's Law has made bullying at work a criminal offence, but in every other state it's still not against the law.

Karen Carr lives a hair’s breadth from becoming yet another bullying statistic. She barely hangs on each day, having suffered months of ridicule, abuse and sabotage in a job she loved.
“It has reduced me to a shadow of my former self," Carr said.

WATCH STORY here - Video Link 

One in five Australian workers is bullied at work, with almost half of all victims simply leaving their jobs. It’s an epidemic that’s getting worse, and no company or industry is immune.
"This is an insidious disease that's of epidemic proportions," Carr said.
“Bullying is premeditated. It is intentional, repeated assault."

Carr still thinks of suicide daily. She is unable to return to work of any kind, and a successful career in newspapers has been destroyed by a pack of frenzied workmates. Despite this, she is the one punished, and the bullies have not even been reprimanded. “I am viewed as the criminal in this, and I am made to feel like that. Whereas the bullies are all living life just as they were seven years ago."

Nine years of constant harassment and bullying has left gentle giant Rob a quivering wreck, after he suffered a complete mental breakdown from taunts and abuse. Now his wife Tina is terrified to leave him alone, even for a minute. "It came to the point where Tina had to full-on wrestle me to the ground to get a knife off of me, because I was going to slit my throat," said Rob.
Workplace bullying, says Rob, destroyed his life.

“It was a day-to-day fight just to keep him from hurting himself, from killing himself, just to keep him alive,” Tina said. Rob now survives on a small pharmacy of pills and potions to get through every day. “People don't realise how serious bullying can be, and what it can do. People just think it's names in a schoolyard, but it is so much more than that," he explained.

Telstra linesman Levin Madeley is another bullying victim hounded out of his work by unrealistic pressures, crazy deadlines and workplace bullying. “I ended up having to go to the doctor before I did something really stupid," Madeley said. His wife Jenny knew something was wrong, but has no idea just how wrong or serious it was. “You think you know somebody really well, and Levin is my soul mate, so to not know that he was that close (to suicide), it hurts a lot," Jenny said.

Sadly some do take that terrible, final step. Nineteen-year-old Brodie Panlock jumped from a multi-story car park after enduring more than a year of workmates treating her like dirt at a Melbourne cafe. She was spat on, called fat and ugly, and once had fish sauce poured all over her. Under the tougher laws in Victoria, three so-called ‘workmates’ and the cafe owner were fined more than $300,000 after the all pleaded guilty.

Victoria is the only state to make bullying a crime, but is that enough?

Doctor Carlo Caponechia is doing a nation-wide study of workplace bullying and its terrible costs. He has been shocked by what he's uncovered. “One of the negatives is that it's not preventative. It takes for something bad to happen, like suicide or death or someone feeling very threatened and humiliated, and really negatively affected by this," Dr Caponechia said. “People are being hurt and they shouldn't be hurt in the course of their work."

But how do you fix a problem where the bulk of victims are too frightened to come forward?
According to Dr Caponechia “You have to make it safe for people to report, and you have to make sure people know how to report."

Carr is still waiting for her case to reach court. She’s hanging on, day by day, and praying for justice, but unable to banish her demons. “I will never forget. How can you forget an event that basically takes your life away as you knew it?"

Contact details

• Workplace bullying information - www.reachout.com

Readers seeking support and information about suicide prevention can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or SANE Helpline on 1800 18 SANE (7263)

VIDEO STORY: Bullies in the Workplace

Source TodayTonight

Workplace bullying is a major issue in Australia with studies have shown it is costing the Australian economy $36 billion a year.

WATCH STORY here - VIDEO LINK

Now a Flight Centre franchise has landed at the centre of a fight over how its staff have been treated.
Three out of five staff from the same workplace resigned in just six months, and all are blaming one woman - their former boss.

The then manager of a travel agency in the Melbourne suburb of Frankston was Kelly Gallasch. She’s been accused of bullying behaviour by former staff members, including Richard Barnes.

Barnes says Gallasch told him to clean toilets, ordered him around and swore at him – “just to torment me until I'd lash out.”

Now Barnes is taking legal action against Flight Centre. He'll claim that he was a whistleblower on bullying problems at the travel giant, and under the Fair Work Act he was meant to be protected from victimisation.

In documents filed in the Federal Court Barnes claims his ex-boss made comments about him that would make tradies blush.

Another worker, Carol, has backed up Barnes’s claims. “I was constantly belittled in front of staff,” she said. Carol claims she received similar treatment to Barnes. “It was quite relentless,”

Amanda, another ex-worker who has come forward, says “I just didn’t want to get up and go to work.
“Basically she'd be increasing my workload so I’d feel more pressured and I’d quit my job,” Amanda added. And these employees are far from alone. Across the nation, bullying has reared its ugly head time and time again, and instances of workplace bullying are troubling.

It's estimated one in four people will experience bullying at some point in their work life, and seven per cent of suicides can be linked to workplace bullying according to a US report. Brodie Panlock is one of those victims; the nineteen-year-old killed herself after being bullied by three men at her workplace. Her tragic death led to Brodie's Law - a change to the Crimes Act that introduces ten year prison terms for bullying.

Psychologist Evelyn Field says bullying is “absolutely soul destroying. Being the victim of bullying changes your life forever.” Field believes bullying is often a cultural issue. “It’s really about management who are not stepping in and stopping it,” she said. As for the Flight Centre case, the travel giant says the matter was investigated at the time. They maintain they acted appropriately and deny the various allegations, which they say will be vigorously defended in court.

Flight Centre response statement

Our comment is similar to the comments we made when Maurice Blackburn issued its two previous press releases on this matter.

As this is now before the courts, neither Student Flights nor Flight Centre Limited can comment in detail.

The matter was investigated and action was taken against several people when the complaint was received last year.

Action was also taken against Mr Barnes, after concerns were raised about his behaviour in the workplace.

The company considers it acted appropriately and denies various allegations that have been made against it, including suggestions that Mr Barnes was forced out after he raised concerns.

It will vigorously defend the case.

Allegations of this nature are taken seriously and policies and procedures are in place to prevent and discipline such behaviour.

In addition, the company has a whistleblowers' facility that staff can use to report any alleged wrongdoing.

A Federal Government inquiry into workplace bullying is currently running in order to see if legislation needs to be changed. If you have experienced workplace bullying you can put in a submission at this website.




 

Remembering The Victims of Workplace Bullying - Stuart McGregor's story

Bullying: Stuart McGregor's story

VIDEO INTERVIEW with Stuarts Mother

Alannah McGregor tells the story of how her son fell victim to workplace bullying so severe he eventually committed suicide.

IT'S been seven years, but the way Alannah McGregor sounds when she talks about two of her three children, it could have happened yesterday. Grief sounds like this; tight-chested but calm, with an unbearable sadness seeping through the words.

They were born four years apart, but Stuart, 20, and Angela McGregor, 16, were close. She was the youngest and he was the oldest - they did things together. She was his closest confidant. She defended him fiercely. And they died a month apart.

Workplace bullying did this, says Alannah and her husband, Ray McGregor.

Alannah McGregor and, inset, her children Stuart and Angela.

The case of 19-year-old Victorian woman Brodie Panlock, who took her own life after sustained bullying at work, has recently galvanised attention around this ugly but under-reported reality in our working lives.

But before Brodie, there was Stuart.

Stuart had always wanted to be a chef. He was three months away from turning 17 when he scored a highly sought-after apprenticeship as a chef in a kitchen in Bendigo, beating 70 others to the job.

But what should have been a dream job unaccountably turned ugly. Name-calling, verbal abuse and innuendo about his sexuality were common.

His apprentice paperwork was ignored and he was ridiculed. Once he was given a 10-kilogram bag of peas and told to count them. Another time, when Stuart asked about a soup recipe, the bully stood over him, berating him and telling him to ring the chief executive of the company to ask for it.

The main perpetrator was the manager of the kitchen, but following his lead, others would join in.

One day Stuart rang Alannah at lunch-time, excited. Word was going around that he was in line for an employee award, he told her proudly. But he returned from work that evening, furious. Workmates had broken into his car and stolen the knob off his gearstick, wrapped it and ''presented'' it to him as his ''award'' in front of everyone. Stuart had felt humiliated and belittled.

Eventually, Stuart admitted to his parents he hated work and that one person in particular was ''picking on him''. He did not go into details.

Without realising the seriousness of the situation, Alannah says her and her husband's initial reaction was that ''it's not right, but you're an apprentice, you're going to have to put up with it for a while''. It is advice she regrets deeply. Stuart shut down and would not talk about it again.

Later, Alannah heard another deeply alarming story.

Just before the end of Stuart's three-month probation period, he was invited on a camping trip. Initially excited, he then went quiet and made excuses not to go. Much later, it came out that the man who had been bullying Stuart had told him that he ''would have blood up your arse and grass on your knees'' if he went on the trip. Stuart was badly frightened by this.

Eventually the bullying culture came to light after another apprentice complained. Stuart initially denied it; perhaps he still thought he could manage the situation, or probably he was concerned about losing his job, a concern that proved well-founded.

The McGregors say there was an initial internal investigation, which proved unsatisfactory to them. They approached the Equal Opportunity Commission and WorkCover stepped in.

While the allegations were being investigated, Stuart found it impossible to work directly under his alleged perpetrator. Put on WorkCover payments, he never returned to full-time work in his chosen profession again.

Alannah says she was told the bully faced disciplinary action, but remained there while WorkCover concluded their investigations.

In the meantime, Stuart's mental health deteriorated sharply. His chronic depression worsened and as the investigation progressed, he began self-harming. Stuart also began smoking marijuana heavily, negatively affecting the family.

Workcover finished its investigation. Stuart's claims were substantiated, Alannah says, but inspectors were unsure whether there was enough evidence to take to court. But they would make their decision soon.

Meanwhile, unknown to those around her, a quiet despair had entered the life of Angela, the McGregors' youngest daughter. (The McGregors have a second daughter, Stacey, who is now 25.)

Alannah and Ray did not realise it but Stuart had confided in Angela the most distressing details of his bullying, which the family have asked The Age not to publish.

Angela was a lively, ''loud and funny'' girl who was very popular. ''Very grown up for her age, but I guess underneath she was probably depressed and I just realised that myself,'' Alannah says.

Fiercely loyal, Angela regularly defended her increasingly unwell brother against the cruel gibes at school and the local sporting club. ''People just make fun of mental illness,'' Alannah says.

But Angela, too, had been the subject of schoolyard bullying after speaking out over an incident she witnessed in the schoolyard. From her brother's experience, Angela believed no one would help her.

Alannah feels this, on top of her sensitive daughter's great distress at her brother's treatment and the belief certain details of the bullying would be aired against Stuart's wishes, culminated in a terrible decision to take her own life. She was 16. A month later, Stuart was also dead.

''He fought so hard to stay alive,'' Alannah says. ''But he probably blamed himself for his sister's death. I imagine he couldn't live with himself after that.''

IT MAY be some small consolation that in its own modest way, Stuart's case helped contribute to legislative changes that would have an impact on another case involving the death of a vulnerable young worker - Brodie Panlock.

The circumstances are now widely known: how 19-year-old Brodie was subjected to an ''unbearable level of humiliation'' in her work at Cafe Vamp in Hawthorn that led to her suicide in 2006. Last month, Nicholas Smallwood, 26, Rhys MacAlpine, 28, and Gabriel Toomey, 23, were convicted and fined a total of $85,000, while cafe owner Marc Da Cruz, 43, and his company Map Foundation were convicted and fined a total of $250,000 on charges that included failing to provide and maintain a safe working environment. The cafe has since been sold to new owners.

Following an independent review conducted by then-barrister and now Court of Appeal president Justice Chris Maxwell in 2004, the Occupational Health and Safety Act was amended to recognise the importance of psychological health at work.

This change was considered an important tool in helping to more effectively prosecute bullying at work, a WorkSafe spokesman told The Age.

Alannah understands that Stuart's story made its way into the extensive consultation at the time.

One imagines that when something as cataclysmic as a death - whether it is a suicide or an accident - occurs in the workplace, an employer's first action would be to sit down with the bereaved family and talk. In fact the opposite can be true, according to a report published last July which sought to investigate the approaches used to deal with workplace deaths. In a consultation paper prepared for Uniting Care Victoria's Creative Ministries Network (CMN) and funded by the Legal Services Board of Victoria, researcher Derek Brookes found concerns over legal liability meant some employers refused to meet bereaved families.

In many cases, grieving families would be immensely comforted by an apology. Yet the adversarial legal system, concerned with attributing blame and apportioning damages, struggles to accommodate such action.

This is where a modest project run by CMN may just blossom into a world-first. Restorative justice, a term most commonly linked with juvenile offenders, involves victims and perpetrators meeting to discuss the impact of the offenders' actions. It is not linked to legal action. As part of its grief counselling service, CMN had began to investigate the viability of using restorative justice principles to deal with work-related deaths, both accidental and by suicide. Last year, the service received $50,000 from the Legal Services Board of Victoria to establish a model for how restorative justice might fit in with Victoria's legal framework. CMN is now preparing to begin a test case and, if it is successful, will approach the Victorian government to fund a three-year pilot program, the first in the world.

CMN director the Reverend John Bottomley says that while legal remedies continue to be appropriate, those seeking ''healing and restoration'' should also be accommodated.

''Part of the restoration may be the reputation of the person who died, so they are not remembered only in terms of a traumatic death but what they achieved in their life,'' Bottomley says.

He concedes the main issue remains liability. Would an expression of sorrow affect the rights of a family to take legal action? Or the rights of the company? When should an apology be given? Could it be taken into account during a court case?

But Bottomley believes such principles can work with courts, WorkSafe and the coroner. Bottomley nominates the increasing use by WorkSafe of enforceable undertakings, where companies are directed to put money into a project identified by the family, as an example of ''restorative'' practices that already exist.

(WorkSafe says it supports the concept of restorative justice, as well as the wider use of victim impact statements as recently announced by Attorney-General Rob Hulls.)

''Restorative justice gives both parties an opportunity for the parties to actually deal with the deaths,'' Bottomley says. ''What the courts currently deal with now is a breach of the Occupational Health and Safety Act.''

IN THE aftermath of her children's deaths, Alannah McGregor made a courageous decision. She would puncture the terrible stigma that continues to exist around suicide and talk about what had happened. She spoke in local forums around Bendigo, but it was a chance conversation with trucking magnate Lindsay Fox at a company function with her husband, Ray, that helped her tell her story more widely.

Fox's family had also been affected by suicide, with the death of his son Michael in 1991. He threw his weight behind a project to educate people on the impact of bullying.

The result was Stuart's Story, a 10-minute video made in 2004 with the financial support of Linfox, distributed first in the company's workplaces and then more widely.

Alannah makes a special point of urging people who witness bullying to speak up. She also believes a restorative justice approach may have been helpful for Stuart, at least in the early days.

Stuart's father, Ray, has previously chosen not to speak publicly about the deaths of two of his children. But in an open letter provided to The Age he offers his deepest sympathy to the Panlocks, writing that he shares with Brodie's father, Damien Panlock, the agony of not being able protect his children.

''I would like to see that those who have died will not have died in vain, but leave a legacy that dignifies them by working towards changing the culture in our workplaces,'' Ray writes.

''Relying on the publicity of court cases will not make change as many believe it will. Some believe it will never happen in their workplace or that the snide remarks or behaviour is not really bullying and will not bring about the tragedy of suicide due to workplace bullying.

''It was very hard to get to that point in my life, but each day I work at it and hope that by speaking about it that there is hope for the future.''

For help or information visit beyondblue.org.au, call Suicide Helpline Victoria on 1300 651 251, or Lifeline on 131 114.

For more information on workplace bullying, go to worksafe.vic.gov.au

For work-related grief support, visit Uniting Care Victoria's Creative Ministries Network at cmn.unitingcare.org.au or phone 9827 8322.

source

NEWS - Workplace Bully Victim's parents want to sue bullies after suicide of daughter

The parents of Brodie Panlock, the 19-year-old waitress who killed herself because of relentless workplace bullying, want to sue her tormenters.

Damien and Rae Panlock told Fairfax Radio on Monday that they want "real justice" after the four men were convicted and fined a total of $335,000 last week.

Former workmates Nicholas Smallwood, 26, now of Queensland, Rhys MacAlpine, 28, of Kooyong, and Gabriel Toomey, 23, of Melbourne, all pleaded guilty in the Melbourne Magistrates Court to failing to take reasonable care for the health and safety of persons.

The cafe's owner Marc Luis Da Cruz and his one-man company MAP Foundation pleaded guilty to two charges, including failing to provide and maintain a safe working environment at Cafe Vamp in Hawthorn, in the city's inner east.

Brodie jumped from the fourth floor of a car park on September 20, 2006 and died in hospital three days later.

Her mother said another waitress at the cafe had warned the men to stop bullying Brodie but it went largely unheeded.

She said the family went to Brodie's grave on the weekend and sat next to it trying to comprehend the needless tragedy.

"I never will understand why people can be so cruel," Ms Panlock said.

Mr Panlock said the family would like to instigate civil action against the four men.

"It's been three-and-a-half years and if it takes another three-and-a-half years to get some real justice ... we can sit back and say we've done as much as we possibly can," Mr Panlock said.

Ms Panlock agreed with her husband.

"I'd like to take it further - we've been dealing with it over three years now ... and in three years nothing really happened - only now things are coming to the front," she said.

The couple are still devastated by their loss.

"They were relentless every day for six days a week. She had no respite, but she never showed it to me," Mr Panlock said.

Ms Panlock said she believed her daughter was about to open up about her treatment at the cafe, but Brodie cancelled a meeting with her because of work duties and then arranged to meet her the following Sunday.

But that rendezvous never occurred.

Ms Panlock pleaded for people, particularly in small businesses, to show compassion toward their workmates.

"Think before your actions in the workplace - if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything," she said.

"If Brodie had been working in a caring environment I wouldn't be here today."

source

PODCAST - When the Victim is ignored : Indignity of Not Being Believed

The Dark Side of the World of Work

Dr. Namie from the Workplace Bullying Institute warns of the harm inherent in Not Being Believed as a bullied person. How can they trust the liars?

Listen to the PODCAST and then tell about your experience in a comment.

LEGAL - A win for all women workers over Bullying and Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

The case of Malgorzata Poniatowska against her employer for sexual harassment is a win for victims of workplace bullying and sexual harassment.

Ms Poniatowska ought to be congratulated for her courage, principles and determination to take on her employer despite the uncertainty of success and the possibility of having to bear a costs order along with her own legal costs.

Workplace bullying, sexual harassment and racial discrimination, like sexual abuse cases, are particularly difficult to prove. The evidence in Ms Poniatowska's case comprised emails and telephone text messages, which supported her assertions of her colleagues' unwelcomed and unwanted attention.

Very often workplace bullying and sexual harassment is more covert, with few eye witnesses and documentary evidence to support the allegations.

Victims are often reluctant to take on colleagues and their employer due to embarrassment and fear of a backlash.

Victims are often made to feel it is their fault if unwelcome attention from a colleague of the opposite gender is paid to them, or that they had somehow contributed to the behaviour of the offender, as in the case of Ms Poniatowska

Such victimisation can include adverse performance review, alienation and many other negative attacks on a victim, such that it increases their stress levels and decreases their self-worth.

Harassment or bullying can be doled out in small doses to a victim and each act may be explained away as nothing more than perhaps workplace banter or camaraderie, but the cumulative effect may build a picture of harassment over a period of time.

More often than not a victim is advised not to pursue legal action, with all the attendant costs and stress, and the risk of damage to reputation. However, when a course of conduct is examined, it can paint an insidious picture which may compel a victim to pursue legal redress.

Some employers pay lip service to workplace bullying and sexual harassment and think that having published policies is sufficient to discharge their obligations of fair work practices.

Others are adept in having processes which appear to comply with the corporate policies, but it is the culture of the workplace which has to be policed for such practices to be stemmed.

Zero tolerance to workplace bullying and sexual harassment, in addition to legislative safeguards, is the only certainty that such odious behaviour may be redressed.

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Readers comments

• Frank
• June 29, 2009
• 11:29 PM

The reality of workplace abuse be it, sexual, bullying or harassment by a boss against an employee is that a victim is up against the odds from the beginning and the employer knows this. For a whole range of reasons, one being the power imbalance, a resourceful employer can outspend a litigant or complainant. When all else fails, a heartless, callous and vindictive employer, motivated as they were in my case by my complaints to Worksafe regarding the dangerous working conditions, can attempt to "shift" the responsibility of their actions by claiming wrong doing, incompetence or a range of other lies in order to justify their behavior.

In my case I was sacked after a number of years of abuse. I was not the only victim. My boss however was such an accomplished liar, she managed to so muddy the waters with her own claims of abuse against her, most of which were either just imagined or were contrived, Worksafe, the state body empowered to investigate and take action, did effectively nothing. So my warning is this. If you are thinking of making a complaint to Worksafe regarding workplace bullying, harassment and lack of the duty of care, think again. When push comes to shove Worksafe is a toothless tiger with little real motivation to protect workers. The very best advice I can give when faced with a workplace bully, discrimination, harassment or other unacceptable and/or inappropriate behavior is, for your own mental health, look for another job away from these psychopaths.

The legal option will cost thousands if not hundreds of thousand of dollars with no guarantee of the outcome going your way regardless of the righteousness of your cause.

If you work for a corporation, just forget it.
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Frank

I agree. Sometimes it is far better to walk away and hold your head high than to challenge the bullying and unsavoury behaviour. Colleagues who are wary of their own positions do not have the courage of their conviction to support the person bullied but usually align themselves with the boss to curry favour or promotion.
The costs of litigating and to one's sanity is too much a price to pay.Then even if one wins, one may have to continue to work with the same people unless the workplace is big enough for one to work in a different section.

Patti

• Wordsworth
• June 28, 2009
• 07:57 PM

A very basic question to the perpetrators of workplace bullying and sexual harrasment might just be: Would you like it to be done to you, the same way you are doing it to someone else? The somewhat rhetorical answer only confirms the lack of intelligence by those who engage in bullying and sexual harrasment, and later seek to explain their actions under the guise of 'culture' or psychology. As a society, we need to stamp this out completely with a 'zero-tolerance' approach. If we put up with any notion of it and not prosecute those who offend, what is that saying about us as a society? Is there room for compassion when it comes to sexual harrassment and workplace bullying? There are grey areas, yes, but sometimes, we need to draw a line firmly in the sand and legislate to protect accordingly. For the protection of our wives, daughters, girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, parents and the like who might just come across such untenable situations. And then what? Prevention is better than cure, and action speaks louder than words.
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Wordsworth

agree totally. zero tolerance is the way to stamp out these sort of behaviour.

Patti

• Rob
• June 25, 2009
• 08:51 AM

Patti,

you state that there should be 'zero tolerance to sexual harassment, in addition to legislative safeguards', which is fair enough.

However in your column about sexual discrimination against women breast feeding, you stated that 'women have to stand up to unreasonable discriminatory behaviour and assert their rights. If we have to rely on laws...we perpetuate the belief that we are not capable of asserting our rights without the protection of the law and that we are inferior to men.'

Since both these are issues of harassment of women, how do you explain your apparent double standard?
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Rob

one is the natural given right of a woman to breastfeed a baby wherever and whenever she likes. The other is a workplace right where each person in a work environment has to know their rights vis-a-vis colleagues and employer.
Sexual harassment and workplace bullying is not limited to just the female employees but can be practised against male employees. Legislative safeguards will ensure that all employees are protected, irrespective of gender.

Patti