BULLYING EFFECTS ON LIFE: Out of the wreckage, a school bullying victim's life rebuilt

"I wasn't trying to kill myself," Tom Tehan says matter of factly across the timber cafe table. "I was just trying to stop feeling. And Panadol is to stop pain, that's how it worked in my head."

The thing is, Tom downed several packets of Panadol in his attempt to numb his pain. He ended up needing his stomach pumped and spent three days in hospital when he should have been out enjoying the spring racing carnival with his girlfriend and friends.
Tom Tehan and his mother, Amanda Wallace. Photo: Jason South

Instead at 19 he was having a breakdown; the result he says of being bullied at school three years earlier.

It's rare to gain an insight into the long-term impact of school bullying. Now and then incidents pop up in the news. Sometimes they are even accompanied by a video shot on a student's mobile phone. Principals, parents and psychologists have their say. And then everyone moves on. Except not everyone can.

Tom couldn't. His years of school bullying culminated in receiving a letter containing a bullet and a death threat at his home. "Bang bang Tomas" the computer-printed note read, misspelling his name. "I just remember breaking down in tears," he says. "It was confirmation, after all the verbal and physical taunts and the times I was excluded, that I wasn't liked."

Though he was never identified by name, Tom's experience was one of those that made headlines in 2007: "Xavier student sent bullet in the mail". Now, more than a decade on, Tom wants to tell his story. It's a story about the car crash that can follow school bullying – and how one man emerged from the wreckage.

At 19, Tom had left Xavier for a new school, finished year 12 and started university. Summer was on the way and things appeared on track. But his bullying burden was always there in the background, unresolved. His stint in hospital brought things to the surface, but he soon suppressed them. He wanted to move on. After being discharged from hospital, Tom deferred his studies at Deakin University and started working in nightclubs.

He was smoking a bit of marijuana, which became a daily habit. He was going out. Lots. Spending more than he was earning. An unsolicited offer of a bank credit card was accepted and before he knew it, he had a $7,000 debt. His family intervened. His dad Peter's cousin offered him a job laying fibre optic cables in the Northern Territory. Arnhem Land. It was as remote and removed as 20-year-old Tom had ever been.

"It was the best thing that ever happened to me at the time," he says. "I had no phone. I was up at 5am every day and working until 6pm. I got to experience Aboriginal communities and hear stories about their Dreamtime from elders."

Tom while working in Arnhem Land. Photo: Supplied

He returned to Melbourne clean: mentally, physically and financially. He was loving life again.
But looking back, Tom concedes Arnhem Land was a Band-Aid. Just as Carey Grammar was – the school he went to after Xavier, where he was part of the successful school hockey and athletics teams.

"I was still in emotional pain, but because I was happy, I could mask it," the now 28-year-old says.

Running for Carey Grammar. Photo: Supplied

He resumed smoking marijuana and working in bars and nightclubs. His nocturnal existence saw him graduate to ice, which gave him supreme confidence. He started to deal in ice to supplement his own habit and mixed with people who used guns to get what they wanted.

Being bullied had made Tom feel he wasn't tough enough to stand up for himself. Ice made him feel that he could handle himself – and that felt good. "I lost all my inhibitions. I could talk without being inside my own head, if that makes sense," he says.

Tom was on ice for years and, according to his mother, Amanda Wallace, he became psychotic. He had "Moses" tattooed on his right arm, painted his car a matt black using spray cans and wrote what he believed were inspirational sayings on the rear window in permanent gold pen.

His memories of this time are hazy – isolated fragments come back. He remembers talking to a neighbour whom he believed was God and apologising to a street tree for the harm humans had inflicted on Earth. In the early hours of January 17, 2014, he was driving down Burke Road, Malvern, on his way to see a friend.  He believed the best way to get there was to put his foot flat on the accelerator and close his eyes. Police estimate he was travelling at 122/kmh when he crashed into two power poles and several trees.

Tom's car after the 2014 accident. Photo: Supplied

How he survived the crash, no one knows. Tom suspects closing his eyes saved him because he became "like a rag doll" as he was ejected from the car, landing bruised and broken on the asphalt. He nearly lost his right leg. Every bone in his right foot was smashed up, he had a ruptured spleen and broken ribs. He spent three months in various hospitals, which in hindsight was like rehab. It got him off ice, which he hasn't touched since.

In The Alfred's intensive care unit. Photo: Supplied

When he was discharged, he went to his mother's house. He says that after the crash he had no desire to use drugs. But while ice was behind him, a week later he sniffed butane gas and released a guttural scream. It freaked him out enough agree to a phone conversation with a family friend, who suggested he try an addiction program. That call started his slow turnaround from the self-destruction he believes was triggered by the 2004 bullying at Xavier.
 
Having lost his licence for two years, Tom was driven to his first session by his mother. She didn't trust that he would go in, so she waited and watched him in her rear-vision mirror. He did. He went every day for three months. He eventually ran the Wednesday night meetings.
"It gave me confidence in myself because someone had entrusted me to do something," Tom says. "I'd lost trust from a lot of people in my life and that was a way to re-grow it and start again."
Slowly, he rebuilt his life. The love and loyalty from his parents and four siblings never wavered. Neither did the support from his Old Xaverians hockey team, who late last year honoured him with the club's Smithy Medal recognising his against-the-odds return to the sport. It's what got him through; it reminded him how lucky he was.

He has had 10 operations in the three years since the accident and remains in pain due to nerve damage. He sees a psychologist regularly and works in hospitality. He has twice spoken to school students about addiction, hoping his warts-and-all story will strike a chord and make someone think twice before taking a similar path.

What he has learnt from all of this is that everyone makes choices. "As much as I could put it all back on bullying, I made choices to do the things that I did," Tom says. "Whatever was driving me, I was still at the wheel."

Talking to students about addiction. Photo: Supplied

This year he will return to uni to study sport coaching at Victoria University. He is moving on but has undertaken not forget the lessons his past has taught him. These are lessons he wants to share and hopefully, in the process, reduce the social stigma around drug addiction.

"One article isn't going to change how society sees it," he says. "But it just might make one person see that completely normal people get into cycles of addiction."

Source: http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/out-of-the-wreckage-a-school-bullying-victims-life-rebuilt-20161228-gtj58v.html

Sister Campaign's For Bullying Victim - 14yr old Kodi Pearson Bullied at School & on Facebook

Tayla Pearson’s fight to tackle bullying that led to brother’s suicide

SEVENTEEN-year-old Tayla Pearson is on a mission to tackle the devastating scourge of bullying.

The aspiring Brisbane-based model’s world fell apart last year when her beloved younger brother Kodi, 14, took his life after suffering from bullying, both online and at school.

VIDEO MESSAGE from Tayla

“We were like best friends, we were always together,” Tayla told The Courier-Mail.
“The experience has changed me, it has made me think about all the little things people do to others. If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all,” she said.
 Both Tayla, who completed Year 12 last year, and Kodi, who was in Year 9, attended St Thomas Moore College in Sunnybank.

Tayla Pearson holds a picture of her brother Kodi. Picture: Mark Cranitch.

Tayla said her brother always came across as a happy student who didn’t have a care in the world, but she was one of the few people who knew about the bullying he experienced.

Tayla Pearson with her brother Kodi, who committed suicide last year. Picture: Supplied
She said that some days he would fake being sick to try to avoid school, but even when he missed class, the torment would follow him home online. “Not only was he receiving grief in school, he wasn’t able to escape from it at home either,” she said.

The Courier-Mail has been unable to reach the school for comment.

Tayla is now working with a number of schools, including Ipswich Grammar, to help teach teenagers about the tragic consequences of bullying.

She hopes that by sharing her experience and speaking candidly about the loss of her brother, other high school students will think twice before bullying.

Tayla is also using a national model search – the Australian Supermodel of the Year competition, to be held this month in Bali – as a platform to raise awareness about youth mental health.
“Having that exposure behind you means you have the opportunity to get the message out there more,” she said.

Source: http://www.heraldsun.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/tayla-pearsons-fight-to-tackle-bullying-that-led-to-brothers-suicide/news-story/15a8613491b10ea3e90edda1cc6ba9a7

Workplace becomes new schoolyard for bullies

Many adults shake their heads in dismay over bullying that targets children and teenagers online and in school; they even push for lawmakers and schools to do more to stop the harassment.

But many are afraid to admit another dirty little secret: Bullying is just as big a problem for the adults in the workplace.

Up to 70 percent of working adults say they've been bullied at some point in their working lives, and 53 percent to 71 percent of the bullies are in management positions, Civility Partners LLC says.

The prevalence of bully bosses is why many don't report they've been bullied, says Bert Alicea, a licensed psychologist and vice president of employee-assistance programs and work/life services at Health Advocate Inc.

"A lot of people would rather leave than stir the pot and fear retaliation," he says. "But even if they want to leave, with the bad job market there's nowhere for them to go."

The problem of workplace bullying is not new, nor is it illegal.

If bullying leads to illegal workplace acts, such as discrimination or harassment, then the courts can act. Legislation called the Healthy Workplace Bill would make bullying illegal and has been introduced in more than 20 states since 2003.

Even without the bill, Alicea says many companies are beginning to take steps to reign in workplace bullying because of its bottom-line consequences: Bullying can cost a company $83,000 a year from absenteeism and stress-related issues.

Companies often ask Alicea to provide harassment awareness or sensitivity training as a way to make supervisors and employees more aware of bullying behavior and the steps needed to protect workers. But businesses may have another incentive to offer such training.

In some court cases, companies that have provided anti-bullying training are not always held solely responsible if an employee's lawsuit alleging harassment or discrimination is successful, Alicea says. Instead, individual supervisors may be held personally liable for some financial damages awarded to an employee if a company can show the supervisor received anti-bullying training.

Still, despite more interest from companies in anti-bullying measures, Alicea says he remains concerned.

"If the bully is in a power position or someone like a rainmaker in the organization who brings in $5 million a year, then no one really wants to rattle that cage," he says.

Another worry for Alicea — a growing use of online bullying. "Cyber-bullying is more prevalent in the workplace. People become friends with their supervisors on Facebook, for example, and they become more emotionally connected. It begins to blur the objectivity of those involved. I just think it opens up a whole can of worms," he says.

Workers also can feel bullied via other online communications, such as email, he says. "I think there's a real need for email etiquette to be taught in workplaces today," he says. "Sending an email, written in bold with 15 exclamation points sends a message in a degrading way."

If an employee feels bullied at work, Alicea says that person should:

• Contact the company's employee assistance program. While acknowledging that some employees may fear word getting back to the bully, "you have to be able to take that risk because you're tired of feeling the way you're feeling," he says. "You need to be able to talk to an objective third party who knows how to deal with these kinds of issues."

• Tell human resources. While you don't have to provide the name of the bully, it's important to have a record so if you experience retaliation, you have proof that it took place after your complaint.

• Ask for dignity and respect. You don't have to launch into a litany of complaints but simply state you want fair treatment. This often prompts companies to bring in outside help to educate and train supervisors and employees. source

LEGAL - Third Party Costs Order on £1m School Bullying Claim

I am looking back at some of the big legal cases from 2009... to find out what verdicts were delivered, often you will not see anything written again by way of a news report due to confidentiality, though if you dig enough you may see a commentary report or assessment made by legal or HR firms who use the cases as guidelines for advice.

The Story as reported on 3rd March 2009

Ex-pupil sues leading public school for £1m over claims bullies called him 'poor little rich boy', claims mental scarring.

A former pupil is suing a leading public school for almost £1million after he claims he was bullied by pupils who called him a 'poor little rich boy'.

'Taunted': Thomson as a teenager

John Thomson, 23, has launched a landmark High Court case claiming he has been left mentally scarred and his career ruined by repeated bullying and humiliation he endured at Berkhamsted Collegiate School. The university graduate is accusing staff of failing to protect him from fellow pupils who taunted him about living in a large house.

He claims he was picked on from the age of 11 by various boys who 'made his life hell' and the ordeal led to him developing a major depressive disorder. The school, which charges fees of £15,000 a year and whose alumni include Graham Greene, Michael Meacher and Emma Fielding, has insisted that the incidents were too trivial to be considered bullying.

The court heard that Mr Thomson-who lives in Meadway, Berkhamsted, Hertfordshire, attended the school between 1994 and 2002. After leaving he went on to study at Imperial College London but he says the abuse overshadowed his career prospects and he graduated with a second class degree when he had the potential to get a first.

Lawyers for the school, which is prized for its Christian values, pointed out that it is only two years since Mr Thomson graduated. Andrew Miller said it was unrealistic to suggest someone with his qualifications - 11 GCSEs, with ten at grade A* or A , four A-grade A-levels and a second-class degree - would have difficulty getting a job.

The alleged abuse began around 1996 when various boys 'started to pick on and tease him mercilessly', the court heard. His QC, Robert Glancy, told the court that the matter was reported to a senior teacher but no action was taken. His parents also complained to the school. Mr Thomson-an above-average student whose parents hoped would go on to Oxbridge, became withdrawn and subdued.

He would often be anxious and distressed at the start of a new term. He told a counsellor he felt 'his life was not worth living', Mr Glancy told Mr Justice Blake in London.

The chapel at Berkhamsted School , which is being sued by Thomson

The bullying took a new turn in 2001 - his GCSE year - when one fellow schoolboy 'manipulated various social circumstances him embarrassment and distress'. 'In particular, he received invitations to parties unexpectedly where he was subjected to sexual approaches by young women,' Mr Glancy added, claiming the girls were 'associated' with boys who made Mr Thomson's life a misery.

Mr Miller said the incidents at two out-of-school parties involved 'consensual sexual conduct'. His to cause ordeal culminated in a 'purported suicide attempt' shortly afterwards during a school trip to Greece, the court was told. A month later he sent a letter of complaint to the school governors and stood up in his science class, announcing he had been bullied.

In 2002, he moved to Aylesbury Grammar School where he did well. But he claims the bullying at a critical period of his adolescence led to a struggle finding suitable work.

Doctors said Mr Thomson was shy and had poor self-esteem and difficulties forming relationships, said Mr Glancy, adding: 'The claimant and his parents trusted the school to nurture and develop him intellectually and personally and the school has let him down.'

Hundreds of photographs showing Mr Thomson looking happy as a teenager may be used in evidence against his claims, it emerged last night. Many are believed to have been taken from social networking site Facebook.

The school denies it was negligent or in breach of its duty of care. source

DECISION

Third Party Costs Order

Where family had funded a claimant's litigation, there was a reasonable prospect of success in obtaining a third party costs order where the family were directly concerned with the facts of the claim, had taken an active role and gained a benefit from the litigation, and had sought to control its course.

JOHN THOMSON (Claimant) v BERKHAMSTED COLLEGIATE SCHOOL (Defendant) and (1) IAN THOMSON (2) GRACINDA THOMSON (Interested Parties) [2009] EWHC 2374 (QB)

Background

Mr & Mrs Thomson's son, John (J), a former pupil at Berkhamsted Collegiate School (BCS), had brought a claim for damages against BCS for failure to take proper measures to prevent him from being bullied whilst he was at the school. Two weeks into the trial, J discontinued his claim and BCS sought its substantial costs in defending the action which it alleged was wholly misconceived. J was unemployed and the costs of his litigation had been met by his parents (P). Accordingly, BCS wished to claim its costs from P pursuant to the Supreme Court Act 1981 s.51 and CPR r.48.2. Pursuant to that application BCS sought orders requiring P to file and serve disclosure statements setting out correspondence between them and J's solicitors, experts and counsel; in addition they sought orders against J with respect to disclosure and his claim of legal professional privilege.

Decision

On 2^nd October 2009 Mr Justice Blake held that...

(1) Before considering whether it was necessary to make the Orders sought by BCS, the Court needed to consider when a third party costs order was likely to be made in cases such as the instant one. The law as to third party costs was sufficiently stated inDymocks Franchise Systems (NSW) Pty Ltd v Todd (Costs) (2004) UKPC 39, (2004) 1 WLR 2807 and the following principles were relevant: (i) such an order was exceptional (ii) the application should normally be determined by the trial judge (iii) pure funders with no personal interest in the litigation would not normally have the discretion exercised against them, Hamilton v Al-Fayed (Costs) (2002) EWCA Civ 665, (2003) QB 1175 applied (iv) it was relevant but not decisive that the defendant had warned the non-party of the intention to seek costs or the non-party's funding had caused the defendant to incur costs it would not otherwise have had to incur (v) the conduct of the non-party in the course of the litigation was of relevance (vi) in a family funding context courts had been reluctant to impose third party costs orders against those family members who assisted a party for philanthropic and disinterested reasons and (vii) the inherent strength of the application was always a relevant factor, Dymocks applied. In this case, P were not merely funders but were directly concerned with the facts of the claim and played an active role in the litigation. There was substance to the suggestion that the litigation was speculative as to its prospects of success. It was doubtful that it would have been funded if T had not made funds available themselves. Accordingly, an application for third party costs had a reasonable prospect of success. The only doubt was over whether P gained a benefit from the litigation and sought to control its course.

(2) BCS could only demonstrate the element of control if it knew what communications P had had with the solicitors, counsel and experts in the case. Restricting the period of time during which the disclosure was required reduced the scale of the disclosure sought and any practical difficulties.

(3) J had claimed legal professional privilege but it did not normally exist in communications between a solicitor and third parties that were not immediately connected with that third party's witness statement or the giving of legal advice to the claimant. An analysis of the documents was required to determine which attracted privilege. The correspondence sought was likely to be probative and not privileged in its entirety and it was not disproportionate for the material to be sought.

Link to Judgment

source

Judge grants application over disclosure of correspondence

John Thomson v Berkhamsted Collegiate School (Defendant) & (1) Ian Thomson (2) Gracinda Thomson (interested parties)

(Queen's Bench Division — 2 October 2009)

John Thomson, the claimant, brought a claim against his former school for failure to prevent bullying. He subsequently discontinued at trial. The defendant sought to obtain a third-party costs order against the claimant's parents (interested parties) pursuant to rule 48.2 of the civil procedure rules as interested parties. The defendant applied for disclosure of the correspondence that passed between the claimant's solicitors and his parents. The parents opposed the application on the grounds that such documents were privileged.

In considering the application, the judge identified the relevant factors as: the strength of the application for third-party costs on present evidence; whether it would be obvious on summary assessment that the documents will be privileged; the potential value of the documents sought to determine the application; and whether an order would be just and proportionate in the circumstances.

The judge found that on the face of it the application was a strong one, as the interested parties were more than disinterested funders and had a vested interest in the claim succeeding. He was also convinced that the documents were potentially relevant, albeit he limited the period of time for which correspondence should be disclosed.

The judge did not consider that the documents were likely to be subject to legal professional privilege save for those relating to the interested parties' role as witnesses to the claim.

He noted the Catch-22 situation that if the correspondence was privileged in that it related to advice between a solicitor and his client, it would assist the defendant's case that the interested parties were, in fact, claimants.

In terms of proportionality, the judge recognised the exercise of disclosure would be carried out by the solicitors, in that they could extract such correspondence from their own files, and was not, therefore, an onerous duty on the parties. The judge thus granted the application for disclosure.

Comment

This is a potentially very important decision for schools and their insurers. Parents who believe that they can litigate through their children, and thereby avoid an effective adverse costs order, should take very careful note.

- Richard Wilkins, partner, BLM London. source

Looking a little further, this case started back in 2002

Fee-paying school faces legal test on bullying

An independent school that prides itself on Christian values is threatened with being taken to court by a 16-year-old boy who claims he was bullied because he lived in a big house.

John Thomson, 16, claims the school failed to protect him from the bullies who made his life a misery, laying in wait for him and ridiculing him as a "poor little rich boy" and a "social incompetent".

If the case against Berkhamsted Collegiate school, in Hertfordshire, reaches the High Court it will be the first legal test of the law relating to bullying in independent schools. Though lawyers say there have been "scores" of claims on behalf of pupils bullied in fee-paying schools, they have been dropped or settled out of court.

The boy's parents, Ian and Gracinda, of Berkhamsted, claim the school, which charges nearly £10,000 for day pupils and £15,000 for boarders, did not take sufficient steps to ensure his wellbeing and failed to implement or review its policy to tackle bullying. But the school says its solicitors have been unable to get details of the proposed claim, despite being notified three months ago that it was being made.

Though it did not want to comment on issues concerning a child's welfare, the school said it had taken the complaints by the pupil and his parents "very seriously".

"After a thorough investigation following established procedures, the parents disagreed with the conclusions and threatened to sue," it said in a statement from Berrymans Lace Mawer, the solicitors instructed to represent it.

"Ours is a caring school and the boy has received considerable pastoral support throughout."

Mrs Thomson said she and her husband had spoken to teachers at the school and Priscilla Chadwick, its principal, many times. However, she claims no satisfactory conclusion was reached.

"They seem to believe that it is just John's perception of the behaviour of the pupils and deny that bullying goes on there," said Mrs Thomson.

"John remembers quite clearly that it started when he invited three pupils home who then started to tease him about being a poor little rich boy.

"We do live in a big house, but we are not snobs. Last week someone came to the door when I was cleaning the letter box and asked if the lady of the house was in," she said. "Plenty of the pupils have well-off parents but this boy decided to pick on John."

Their son reported the bullying and a master spoke to the boys. "Two of them stopped but the other one carried on," said John. "He used to wait until I was on my own and say things, or just laugh at me.

"I tried to deal with it and kept thinking that I only had to keep going until I was 16 and then we would be split up in the sixth form."

But he claims it got worse last year, when he reached the sixth form, and one of the boys started to intimidate him by standing outside the door of his "house room", a rest room for students, who are divided into groups, or "houses".

The school, whose former pupils include Graham Greene, Michael Meacher and Emma Fielding, prides itself on its Christian ethos and aims to provide a good, all-round education, including a strong entry to the Duke of Edinburgh's Award Scheme.

But John claims that it started to take the problem seriously only recently.

"The ethos of the school is great for those who feel confident and are strong characters. Those who are not confident as a result of bullying in the school and those who are slightly weaker in character are having a terrible time," he told the chairman of the school's governing body in a letter last November.

John left the school after his AS-level exams and started at another one earlier this month. source

School Bullying Resources

I came across a few good examples of how Governments are addressing School Bullying, The Australian ACT Government has this resource available on their website.

I also found the below online course on School Bullying ....

The ABCs of Bullying
Addressing, Blocking, and Curbing School Aggression

ABOUT THE COURSE

At one time, school bullying may have been viewed as a "rite of passage" which built "character." Today, however, it's no longer regarded as just something that happens during playground routines.

Educators, health and mental health practitioners, parents, and community members are realizing that bullying is a serious problem that can lead to more severe long-term problems for individuals and communities. Some experts believe that bullying should be considered a special form of child abuse-sometimes called "peer abuse," the cruelty of children to each other.

This course examines the causes and effects of bullying, prevention techniques and programs, screening, treatment options, and legal/ethical issues surrounding bullying.

Who Can Use This Course

This online course is designed for professionals in education, health and mental health, and related fields, including social workers, school counselors, school nurses, teachers, and principals. Quizzes at the end of course modules allow course participants to gauge their learning against course objectives.

What Is Covered in This Course

The term "bullying" refers to a broad range of bullying behaviors that include physical, verbal, sexual, and other psychological actions such as intimidation and continual threats.

Research indicates that, in general, victimization rates decrease with age, but rates of bullying, while starting in elementary school (or earlier), peak in middle school, and may continue in high school in different forms. Because this course focuses on prevention, particular attention has been given to the problem of bullying in elementary and middle school. Prevention materials are intended for students in elementary through high school and for community-wide use.

The Resources section includes publications, telephone hotlines, Web sites, videos, and other materials that provide additional information on school bullying and other topics relating to violence. Listing of these resources is provided solely as a service; it does not constitute an endorsement by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). SAMHSA is not responsible for the content found in these materials.

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE COURSE START PAGE